Palm Springs & Ramblings

Hi guys,

I wanted to start a little series on my blog about me.  I know its already too much about me and too many pictures of me, but I wanted to share the real me a little.  My struggles, being a mom and the things I have been through in my life.  I share so much happiness on my blog and like most people, it seems like I have an “ideal life” out here living by the beach, working hard and being a momma, but I have struggles just like everyone else.

I had such a hard day today, Van and I went to our little Mygym class and It was such a struggle.  I honestly never felt more alone sitting in a room full of moms and other babies.  I don’t know what it is about living here, its so different from Utah, but I wanted to cry through most of the class.  It is SO hard to connect with women here, I can hardly get them to have a conversation with me let alone look me in the eye.  Van was whining and hitting the whole class and I could barely keep it together.  I just wanted someone to hug me and tell me I was doing ok.  That I wasn’t the worst mom in the world and my child wasn’t the worst in class.  But I held it in and waited until I got into my car, then sobbed for a few minutes and collected myself to drive home.

Isn’t being a mom so hard?  I mean, really its just hard to do it all.  Whether your a mom or not, its hard to keep up with everything we are suppose to be these days.  Perfect mom, perfect body, smooth skin, lots of friends, play dates, dates with your husband(which are few and far between) perfect house, and blah blah blah….  I’m the worst at this too, I want to be perfect at everything, I try so hard to have everything together, but some days, sitting in my car crying feels like the only way to deal.

I use to cry all the time, at the drop of a hat, I would cry.  But I have toughened up through the years and hardly ever do anymore.  I had a stroke a few years ago and that experience forever changed me.  No one will ever really know the struggle I went through, but I remember everyday the way it felt. I would pray at night that I would always appreciate everything I had if god would just help me get better.  I had to relearn to walk, stand up straight and even turn my head to one side.  Everyday was a battle, and that feeling sits in my heart forever.  Its a small weight I carry around, but its there and when I have little struggles like today, it comes back up and I start feeling bad for myself.  Ugh, right.

Well, I will get through today and it will make me a stronger better mom, and person.  I hope that I can share here and hopefully you will feel like you can share back with me.  I know we all struggle, and its nice to have a place to vent!

Enough about that… haha… onto something happier…

Kev and I decided to take a little mini vaca to the desert and I wanted to share some photos from a really great relaxing weekend with my two guys.  We went out to Palm Springs, well La Quinta to be exact and had the best little vacation at the most beautiful resort! LaQuinta Resort and Spa is a must stay on your Palm Springs list, every inch of this place is perfection!  I love the white buildings with tile roofs and so much bougainvillea.  My dreams look like this place!